Sometimes subjects come up in conversations with me that I can't talk about. For some reason my throat constricts and I tear up. It's annoying as hell. One came up this morning when I decided to go to work. My wife asked "why?". Well, unfortunately I'm one of those people that lays around at night asking the same question, "why?". Why do I insist on going into the money pit, as one person called it. I know it's a money pit.
I go because I have to. My body is screwed up. Between the pain and the constant fear of falling over face first into the toilet, I probably shouldn't come in. But that would be surrender, quitting. Every time a person quits one thing or gives in to fear, it's easier to quit or surrender the next time. When does it become easier to just stay asleep rather than wake up and do? It's not in me. God, I hope it's not in you either!
See the last paragraph in post of Wednesday, February 9, 2011 (From the Beginning.)
Disclaimer: I was insane and hallucinating at the time of the attempted escape (most notably that I was a POW and my thoughts were being monitored via a fiber optic cable inserted into my neck from a sensor planted in my head.).
